a letter to my soulmate
I really think that I was breaking before you stumbled upon me.
I was trying to pull myself together
I was trying to fake happiness.
I was trying to fit into spaces that I didn’t belong in.
Everyday, I convinced myself that I was getting better.
Somedays, I allowed people and their lies about me to conquer my life and my happiness.
Most days, I didn’t even know if I belonged because there seemed to be so many people that wanted to push me out.
I didn’t know how to be vulnerable. I refused to be vulnerable.
So, I rolled with the punches and pretended that the things happening around me didn’t exist. If I didn’t address them, I didn’t give them validity.
But still I felt as if I was going mad.
That was sophomore year, and it still continues today.
But I feel stronger because I know who I am, and I know, with the utmost certainty, who loves me.
I said earlier that, “I really think that I was breaking before you stumbled upon me.”
Because all of you saved me.
Daneille, for when you force me to talk out my problems instead of brushing them away and being the youngest but so wise.
Vanessa, for how much you care about your friends and how emotionally involved you are with the three of us.
Michelle, for how you are always our voice of reason and one of the brightest souls that I’ve ever encountered.
Over the past year, I’ve seen so much growth in all of us, and I don’t know if anything would ever suffice in expressing how proud I am.
Daneille, for how strong you have been in this journey of finding yourself and discovering the things that you really want in life. Keep swimmin’, young one.
Vanessa, for having so much love even though you’re going through personal issues. Don’t ever let anyone discourage you from sharing the love you have or receiving the love that you deserve.
Michelle, for beginning to realize that you should do things to satisfy yourself and not to appease others. Remember that putting yourself first is not selfish; it’s healthy.
To all of you, thank you for being my soulmates.