Sometimes I can physically feel it.

I feel it in my shoulders, my throat, and my head.

Sometimes I can feel it in my chest.

My mind is a rain cloud.

And I have been taken hostage by a dreary life.

 

There is no off button.

It comes and goes as it likes.

Sometimes it stays for an hour, sometimes for weeks at a time.

No.

No.

It is always there, but my inaction has tricked me into believing that I have crafted a life of normalcy.

My normalcy is tainted.

My normalcy is everyone else’s worst moments.

 

Sometimes I can only see gray, black, and white.

I only see hair, eyes, and ears.

Only body parts but not the human that they shape.

Only things but not art.

 

There is no off button.

My brain is always telling me that the people who love are tired

Tired of me

Tired of my problems

There are things that I want to say and tears that I want to cry

But my brain tells me that there are people that I will lose

 

Sometimes I can only see gray, black, and white.

And happiness doesn’t seem deserved.

Living in a constant state of tension and discomfort.

 

Why can’t I see rainbows?

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